Perfect Parent, Problem Children

A wealthy man had two sons. They lived in a vast estate, with too many rooms and beautiful gardens, a place where the future and the family were both quite secure. But one day, the youngest son walked into the fancy living room and fixed his father with a steely gaze. Without hesitation, he said, "I want my share of my inheritance now–before you're dead." His older brother was slack-jawed and shocked, his eyes burned with disbelief and outrage. How could his little brother be that insulting to their dad?

But to everyone's astonishment, the father did not argue with his youngest son. Instead, he quietly divided the inheritance between his two sons with a degree of grace that left everyone stunned, especially his oldest son.

Not long after that, the younger son packed his bags and went to a distant city, where he wasted all of his inheritance on stupid decisions and wild parties. When famine struck, and all of his money was gone, he found himself feeding pigs and dreaming of the meals that even his father's servants used to enjoy. He decided he would return home. He rehearsed a speech of forgiveness with every step.

As he neared the estate, I can imagine the moment his father caught sight of him from a distance. He ran to meet his son, giving him the tightest hug before the son could even get out his rehearsed speech. And instead of giving him a lecture, the father called for the finest robe, and a ring for his finger, and then he turned and announced, "Tonight, we celebrate!”

I can imagine what that party looked like – music and laughter, tables weighed down with lavish food and roasting meat, and the father and his youngest son dancing in the middle of it all. But then the older son opened the door. I can see him standing in the doorway for a moment, locking eyes with his father and his brother as they danced around. And then the father called out, "Come join the dance!” But his oldest son's face hardened with a mixture of disbelief and disdain. Without a word, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

The father left the party and walked out into the cool night air. Perhaps he found his older son standing alone, seething in anger. "Why are you so upset?" He asked gently. His older son drilled into him with blazing eyes. “Look, you! All these years I have worked for you like a slave, and you have never even given me a young goat so I could have a party with my friends. But when this son of yours, who has lost all of his inheritance, comes back, you throw this huge party for him!”

The father shook his head, listening quietly as his son spoke these angry words. "Son, you've always been with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate because your brother was as good as dead and is alive again. He was lost and now he's found.”

Symbols in the Story

You may recognize the story from my retelling. It’s the parable Jesus told that we commonly refer to as ‘The Prodigal Son.’ But truthfully, it’s not just about one son at all. It is a very dramatic story about two sons. In fact, it’s a story about two sons and their father—and it's packed with symbolism.

Have you ever thought about the fact that each character in the story is a symbol? The younger son who rebels and leaves home and squanders all of his money – he's a picture of the common Israelite in Jesus' day. The nation of Israel had wandered far from the covenant. They had taken what God had given them as an inheritance and had squandered it in search of idols and pleasure.

The older son, who stayed home, worked, and seemed perfectly obedient, yet harbored resentment and judgmentalism. He represents the religious elite of that day - the Pharisees, the scribes, the ones who always kept the rules but never quite had a relationship with the Father.

And that leaves one character: the Father. Who does he represent?

Jesus makes it quite clear that the father in the story is a picture of God Himself. He is the only character in the story who does not have a flaw – patient, loving, and so excited about forgiveness and restoration that he throws a party at the opportunity to extend it. Willing to open his arms to both of his broken sons.

And this is where it gets interesting. 

The father is not just a symbol of God, but in particular, he is a symbol of God as a Parent! We should also take note of the fact that both of His kids had problems. Although as a Parent, He was perfect in love and perfect in wisdom, his kids were far from perfect.

Always the Parents' Fault?

I find encouragement in this fact. Let's be honest, we live in a culture that has turned blaming parents into a spiritual gift. If you watch a therapy scene in any movie, within five minutes, the counselor leans forward and whispers, "Tell me about your mother.” As if one's inability to commit to a gym membership is somehow the result of being potty-trained too late.

It's getting to the place that if you take your car to the mechanic because it's making a weird noise, he will come out and tell you, "You're going to need a new transmission… And honestly, it's your mother's fault.” Or if you go to the dentist, he's going to say, "This cavity? Classic case of unresolved father issues.”

I know I'm exaggerating, but the truth is many parents carry a deep weight of guilt, feeling as if they are responsible for every problem that their children have. However, Jesus’ parable teaches us that even a perfect Father can still produce sons who fall short of the mark. Perhaps the brokenness was not a parenting failure, but rather a heart issue.

No, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying parenting doesn't matter—quite the opposite. The influence of a parent is one of the most important influences in any child’s life. We help shape the way our children see the world and see themselves. We model what it's like to set healthy boundaries. We help build up our children's confidence and bolster their self-esteem. And most importantly, parents are the primary influence on how a child understands and relates to God. For better or worse, our earliest impressions of authority, grace, and matters of faith are communicated to us by our parents.

So yes, parenting matters. The Bible teaches us it is sacred work. However, the presence of faithful parenting does not guarantee a faithful child. And the struggles of a child do not necessarily indicate a problem with a parent.

If God can have children who rebel and harden their hearts, perhaps we should not demand perfection from ourselves as earthly parents. Influence? Yes. Control? Never. Parents are to reflect God's character, but they can never attain God's perfection.

For the Imperfect Parents

So what do we do with all of this?

Every parent at some point has looked back with regret. We all make mistakes, some more significant than others. Perhaps it was a season when you were not in your child's life, or you spoke a harsh word, or you lived in a pattern you didn't even realize you were repeating until the damage was done. The good news is, you are not alone.

I have a couple of things I'd like to share with you to encourage you. 

First, own your mistakes – but don't live under the weight of them. You are not expected to be perfect. And even if you were perfect, even perfect parents cannot produce perfect children. This story makes this abundantly clear. The father in Jesus' story is a picture of God Himself, completely faultless. And yet both of His sons go off course. One with open rebellion. The other with quiet resentment. But these were their failures, not those of the Father.

If that is true of the perfect Father, how much more should we extend grace to ourselves?

We should acknowledge our failures. To do so is not weakness; it is honesty. Admitting our failures is where grace begins. So bring your shortcomings to God. Confess them out loud, if need be. Pray through them. Ask for wisdom. Ask for healing. Ask for peace. But the guilt of being an imperfect parent was never meant to be yours to carry alone.

My second piece of encouragement: pray for your children. Not just privately. Not just whispered prayers in the car while driving down the road – although those count too. Pray with them. Pray over them. Let them hear you pray for them.

Don't just settle for spending time at the lake or throwing the ball in the yard. Do those things, but make time to open scripture with them. Read a single verse at the breakfast table. Say a short prayer before they walk out the door to go to school. And sometimes, pull them close and speak destiny over them in prayer.

It is one thing to tell your child, "I pray for you." It's another thing to pull him close to your chest and say, "Father, this is not just my child – he is your child. You have placed purpose inside of him. And I believe because you are faithful, that despite my flaws and my child’s struggles, you will shape him into all you have created him to be.”

Those kinds of prayers will echo in the memory for years. They will plant seeds of identity, calling, and comfort that your child will carry for a lifetime.

While we do not have the power to control our children's choices, we do have the power to speak life over them and then trust them into the hands of the only Perfect Parent.

Parenting was never about perfection – it's always been about grace. And when we walk in that grace, both for ourselves and our children, we reflect the heart of God more than we ever could through perfect performance.